So we are approximately 3/4 of the way through 2016 – I still can’t wrap my head around it. Baby #3 is due in around 6 weeks time and I’m anxiously trying to finish of work so that I can have a ‘break’ before she arrives (I use that term loosely because, two other kids…) I couldn’t sleep the night before last and was thinking about the months that have passed and how I’ve successfully turned this year in to a really Selfish one – and just to be clear – this is a GOOD thing! Here’s how…
Being Selfish With Myself / My Time
I’ve always been a firm believer in making yourself happy before you can make others happy, but simultaneously and most contradictingly (is that a word?), I suffer from the common problem of trying to please others all the time too!
This year, I have been a lot more selfish with my time and sometimes that has meant turning down social invitations, just saying NO (to work and personal requests/obligations) and by putting my foot down about things that do not make me happy / add value to my life. I have also stopped feeling obligated to do things I don’t feel up to – I’m tired of forcing a vibe where I’m just not that into it for whatever the reason may be.
Being selfish with my time has meant creating boundaries that other people may not always agree with, respect or like, but I have learned to be more honest with myself and with others and it actually makes life so much easier – it’s quite liberating in fact.
People in my life often remark how amazing it is that I ‘manage it all’- but the truth is that I don’t – I make sacrifices all the time and I make choices to put myself and my family first.
Being Selfish In My Personal Life / With My Feelings
Despite the amazing, exciting news that we have a third baby girl on the way, and the fact that life has been great on the work front – I can honestly say this has probably been one of the toughest years of my life emotionally and on a personal level – most of my friends/family members/followers don’t even know….
It’s funny how social media can give you a picture of how someone’s life is, but we all know that it isn’t always a true reflection – I sometimes wonder how people see my life through the eyes of my Instagram lens and through my Facebook posts etc – I try to be as real as possible, but I will also admit that I DO avoid posting a lot of ‘the negative stuff’ (unless it’s damn hilarious like crazy/embarrassing things the kids get up to!) The only reason I choose NOT to show the hard parts, the bad things, the hurt, the worry, the sadness is because I don’t WANT to dwell on it – not because I’m trying to deceive anyone or pretend that life is perfect… I don’t like to air my dirty laundry online, I don’t want to host self-pity parties – I prefer, and choose, TO FOCUS ON THE GOOD and the all positive things around me – at least, I try to!
Showing gratitude and choosing my own happiness makes a big difference.
This year I have let go of some of the toxic people and relationships in my life. It’s been hard, there has been a grieving period in a way, but I have come to realise that this decision is the best thing I could have done for myself and my family, and in a way I have felt so much happier about not having to worry about the people who constantly cause drama/heartache in my life. By letting go of them, AND my expectations, it allows me to focus on myself, my children and my husband, and all the other good people who DO bring happiness into my life, and who show me abundant care and support.
I will no longer waste time, love, money and energy on those who are unappreciative it. If cutting out negative people from your life will make it less complicated and less unhappy, DO IT NOW.
Everyone deserves love, but not everyone deserves YOUR love.
Being Selfish On The Work Front
This one has come easiest and most naturally with the wisdom of experience, and a growth in my own confidence of late. I am selfish about the way I work and the service I provide – and that is exactly what makes me DO my BEST WORK. Perhaps ‘being selfish’ is not the right phrase to use in this instance but the idea holds true in that I have been creating more work-related boundaries for myself ,and my processes, that help me to do a better job.
I am selfish about when and how I am available to my clients – we all know I hate the phone, but that’s not the only reason why I probably won’t answer your unscheduled phone call… When I am working on something for one client, I do not want to be interrupted by another, I want to give that one client’s work my full attention for the time I have allocated to it. As I will do for you during the time I have allocated for your work…
I am now a lot pickier about the work I take on too – I bet you all think ‘well, that’s a nice situation to have’ – but the truth is, my pickiness creates the fact that I have abundant work and that I get to CHOOSE my clients – I’ve mentioned in a post before and that it shouldn’t work the other way around. I also do my best work for clients who I ‘connect’ with, so I have become good at saying NO to those I don’t feel a vibe with…
I am selfish with my time when it comes to work – I’m far stricter about the hours that I work now and with how much time I give to work related tasks. Not only because I am preggers and the need for Zzzzzzz’s has increased, but also because I work to live, and not vice versa (as much as I LOVE my job and work, and I honestly do!) This gives me more focus and drive and I find keeping myself under pressure is a good tactic for getting things done.
I have grown a thicker skin when it comes to money and to not doing things on the cheap / even for free (gasp, I cringe at how much of my time I gave away so willingly at the start of my career!) I’m not saying that I try to rip people off now, and that I’m just a glutton for dollaz, but I have finally got to a place where my fees reflect my value – being selfish with my time and what I need to earn to be happy /spend adequate quality time with my family is now a priority, and this is a lesson I wish I’d learned sooner…
AND NOW HERE’S THE DISCLAIMER…
This post and my overall attitude to life do not condone ACTUAL selfishness – I’m just using it as an idea here to show how putting yourself first and making choices to create a happier life for yourself ARE NOT in fact a selfish act, but rather, a NECESSARY one!
I’m a giver – I don’t think I will ever get over the need to please others – but I am just learning to keep some for myself too – “you can’t pour from an empty cup” – so true and I have learned this the hard way.
I wish others the courage to be responsible for their own happiness ♥